Why It's Wrong To Stay Together 'For The Kids'

You’ve seen or heard about couples that do this sort of thing all the time. One of your friends always complains about their partner, and you constantly ask them why they don’t just get divorced? No, they reply, we’re staying together for the kids.

There seems to be this concept that two people who don’t love each other will be better parents for children than one parent on their own. It’s the idea of a broken home, with some people thinking that it can psychologically damage a child. As such, many people in bad relationships will choose to stay with their partner as they believe it is the best thing to do for their children. They don’t want to separate and cause trauma for their kids.

However, is it really a good idea to stay together for the kids? The short answer is no, if your relationship has genuine problems, you shouldn’t stay in it, even if you are doing so to keep your family intact. Why? Well, here are just a few reasons:

It’s bad for your mental health

Mentally, how can you deal with waking up next to someone you don’t love? How can you go about your days knowing that you’re wasting your life in a relationship that isn’t working? You are stopping yourself from finding true happiness, which is terrible for your mental health. If you got a divorce, you could finally feel happy, which would improve your parenting anyway.

You start to resent your children

A big issue with staying together for the kids is that both parents start resenting their children. It links to the point above; neither of you is happy. You want to go out and enjoy life, find someone that loves you, and start afresh. You can’t do this, and you blame your kids for it. So, while your children may be in an intact family, the general atmosphere can be horrible. Arguments might be frequent, they get blamed for everything; it’s not the best way to raise a family.

Co-parenting is a thing

There’s always this weird idea that, once you break up, your child will only ever see one parent. This simply isn’t the case at all – apart from in extreme scenarios. If you break up because neither of you is feeling the relationship anymore, there’s no reason you can’t try co-parenting.

Effectively, this is where both parents share custody of the child/children. You should speak to a child custody attorney about this, as they can provide more legal details. But, the gist is that your kids will still have both parents in their lives – they can see each parent whenever they like – you just no longer live together and aren’t in a relationship. Both of you get the freedom and happiness you wanted, and your kids still have two parents to look after them.

Realistically, it is never a good idea to stay with someone for the sake of your children. You are damaging your own mental health, creating a toxic home environment, and further damaging your relationship with your child’s father/mother. If you split up, you can end things on happier terms and both play an active role in your child’s life.